


ride or die

by splashstar



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adult Life, Alternate Universe - Human, Background Character Death, Best Friends, Break Up, Bullying, Closeted Character, College, Elementary School, F/M, Friendship, Gen, High School, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Japanese School System, Junior High, LGBTQ Character, Light-Hearted, Moving Out, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, Past Estrangement, Plans For The Future, Questioning, Singing, Slice of Life, Trauma, headcanon heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24344848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashstar/pseuds/splashstar
Summary: Miki grinned proudly. "I'm your ride or die. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried.""Not like I'd actually want to."--episodes from kiyoteru and miki's (ongoing) lifelong friendship.
Relationships: Hiyama Kiyoteru & Kaai Yuki, Hiyama Kiyoteru & SF-A2 Miki, Kaai Yuki & SF-A2 Miki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: why are there no fics where kiyoteru and miki are best friends
> 
> this is going to be extremely headcanon heavy since a good chunk of my kiyoteru hcs were from before i found out about his ice mountain canon (and even after that i picked it apart so it would still fit with the hcs i already had at the time lol). so basically throw out everything you know about kiyoteru's canon bc i almost definitely didn't follow it lol
> 
> tbh tho i think the magic of creating vocaloid fanworks is that almost all of the vocaloids have no established canon and even when they do you can still do whatever you want...
> 
> *rating changed from "gen" to "teen" starting in chapter 5!

The boy that sat closest to the door was always quiet, and usually very distant and individual from the rest of the class. Every day, he was by himself while everyone around him did their own thing, having fun with their own friends out on the playground. It was such a regular sight to see that even the teacher had to come up to him a few times before to ask him if he wanted to play with everyone else, which was an offer he declined every time.

Miki, the girl who sat two rows directly behind him in class, didn't understand it at all. Didn't he have any friends? If he did, why wouldn't he want to play with them?

If the case was that he _didn't_ have anyone he could call a friend, then she'd make it her mission to change that.

As much as she wanted to just jump right in and start talking him up, this boy was different from other kids she'd met before; it probably wasn't a gesture that was welcome with him. Instead, she took baby steps, saying _hi_ to him every morning and occasionally asking how he was doing (to which he'd always respond with a timid _I'm okay_ ). He didn't seem to be _cold_ toward her, but he definitely wasn't opening up as much as she would've liked him to.

In her conscious mind, she'd really only learned one thing about him within the first few days: his name was Hiyama Kiyoteru.

Miki had been brought up on the principle of patience, but the fact that she was only a grade schooler _also_ had to be taken into consideration--seven-year-olds only _had_ so much patience, after all. Her idea wasn't going anywhere, and she was starting to become restless. Would it have been better to just go back to Plan A and strike up an actual conversation with him? What would she have even said?

_Maybe something about the books he always read? Wasn't that kind of boring, though?_

_Something about his family, like if he had any siblings or pets? If he didn't have either, then she'd have something in common with him, right?_

_Any games or maybe even instruments that he liked to play--even though she hadn't seen him play anything?_

Planning was hard. How did adults do this all the time? Maybe it was better to take it slow after all; maybe then he'd be able to open up to her more easily.

But the day eventually came when Miki finally understood.

No, Kiyoteru did not have any friends. In fact, no one was even _trying_ to befriend him besides Miki herself. All of their other classmates _knew_ he was a loner, and they took full advantage of that.

It was supposed to be another normal day, but perhaps _Miki's_ perception of normal was different from _Kiyoteru's_. Instead of making her way home right after school was over, Miki decided to see if Kiyoteru was still around so she could say goodbye to him for the day. She turned towards the playground; maybe he'd be there, sitting on one of the tire toys with a book in his hands as always.

As she walked across the hall, she heard a _thump_ to her right. She quickly turned her head toward the sound, taking sneaky steps as she peeked past the corner to see what was going on. At the end of the other hall, there were three boys with their backs turned toward her, all of whom she recognized as her own classmates. And there on the floor, completely surrounded by them, was Kiyoteru, a distressed expression on his face and all his belongings scattered next to him.

" _You_ think you're _so much better_ than everyone, don't you?"

"Who _cares_ if he's _better_ than everyone? No one cares about _him_ anyway."

"I bet your family _regrets_ adopting you."

While Miki wasn't quite sure what exactly it was they were referring to, she felt the bite of what the boys were saying. She had figured out enough to know that they had seen him preparing to go home, pushed him down without mercy, and started relentlessly bullying him. Was this happening every day? Was that why Kiyoteru was so closed off from everyone else? Was _this_ what a normal day was to him?

" _Hey!_ " Miki called out without thinking, rushing over to confront the boys. "Leave Kiyo-kun alone!"

The boys looked back toward her, and Kiyoteru quietly realized who was approaching them. "Furukawa-san...?"

"Huh? Did she just call you _'Kiyo-kun?'_ "

"You made friends with a weak _girl?_ " the tallest boy snickered.

Miki felt her face heat up in anger as she balled up her fists. "I'll show you _weak!_ "

The moment her punch landed right on the tallest boy's face was just the beginning of a friendship that Kiyoteru had no clue would put his life on a completely different path than he could have ever imagined for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this made me realize i don't remember how i thought as a grade schooler lol
> 
> i hate writing first chapters sm bc i always end up getting loads of ideas for future chapters and then absolutely nothing for the one i'm supposed to be working on lol.......also i'm challenging myself to write this whole thing in third person, wish me luck
> 
> *furukawa is the last name of miki's voice provider!


	2. eye of the hurricane

All of a sudden, Kiyoteru couldn't breathe. He was lucky Miki had gone to get something she'd left behind in the music room, or she would have seen him and noticed immediately.

Now wasn't exactly the best time to be dealing with this, but then again, when was it ever?

He stood from his desk, leaving all of his stuff as they were, and walked out of the classroom as normally as he could manage to avoid unnecessary attention. He closed the door behind him, and that familiar feeling of dread began to rise in his chest. He picked up his pace, taking the stairs down to the first floor and heading out of the building to the back of the school, where he knew no one else would be--and of course, there could only be one way he knew that, couldn't there?

He stopped, panting, and let his back hit the wall.

What if he just tried taking deep breaths? Would that help? His sister always says it does.

_Breathe in--_

He coughed, and it felt like he was choking.

_Nope. Can't do it._

He could barely breathe at all right now, anyway. He fell onto the ground, shaking violently, his heart pounding right out of his chest, his arms numb, the world around him spinning, and he had no idea _why_. He never really knew why. All he knew was that he felt like he was dying, and he hated every second of it.

"Kiyo-kun?"

 _What_ was _Miki_ doing here? How had she found out he was gone so quickly, and how in the world did she figure out what direction to go in?

Another cough escaped Kiyoteru's throat, interrupting his train of thought, and he immediately cursed himself for making more noise. Miki's telltale footsteps became louder, and he pulled his trembling hands up to his ears out of panic, shutting his eyes tightly.

" _Kiyo-kun!_ " he heard, muffled. Her voice was louder now as he vaguely sensed her coming closer. "Hey, are you okay?! What's going on?"

No answer could leave Kiyoteru's chapped lips, save his labored breathing.

"O-okay, uh..." Miki fell quiet as she tried to think of something, anything that might help. As gently as she could, she took hold of Kiyoteru's wrists--luckily, he didn't retract himself away from her--and coaxed them away from his ears. "Hey," she attempted, her voice softer. "It's just me, Kiyo-kun. Let's calm down, okay? You're...kind of scaring me, and I'm sure this isn't fun for you, either."

"I'm sorry," he wheezed, coughing again.

Miki gently ran her hand against his back, shaking her head. "No, no, no, it's okay. Just...breathe, okay?"

"I _can't_."

Miki paused again, examining Kiyoteru's trembling body. She had never seen him like this before, and she was doing her best not to panic herself for fear of making things even worse for him. His eyes were still shut tight, and she didn't want to force anything anymore than she already had.

If he didn't want to see anything right now, he could at least still listen to her voice like he had been so far, right? This usually worked for her, but if this didn't work for him, then at least she could say she already tried it.

A silent metronome began to tick in Miki's mind. Notes materialized in her soul. She breathed in gently, and a familiar, soothing melody emerged from her body and rode on her lips.

" _I walk through this little town in the night, this town left behind in the race of social progress..._ "

The stimulus was still foreign to Kiyoteru, but he found himself welcoming it despite it all. As Miki sang, his body began to fall in sync; his racing heartbeat decelerated, his shivering frame steadied, and his shaky breathing slowed and followed the metronome's rhythm. Reality slowly faded back in, and the rest of Kiyoteru's senses returned bit by bit. Cicadas chirped in the distance. His eyes fluttered open again, and there was Miki by his side with a worried yet relieved smile on her face as she noticed he was starting to calm back down. He pulled his glasses off carefully and covered his eyes with his right arm as he caught his breath.

"You okay?"

"Y...yeah. I'm okay. Th-thank you." Kiyoteru sighed in relief and lowered his arm from his face, revealing his exhausted gray eyes. "How did you...know I was here?"

"I was on my way back to the classroom and I saw you going down the stairs. I got worried, so I followed you. Now I'm glad I did." Miki frowned as another thought crossed her mind. "...Does this happen a lot?"

"Not really...it just happens randomly. I don't know why."

Miki hummed in thought, and the two fell into silence as they tried to think of something to say.

"Your...voice is really calming," Kiyoteru admitted quietly, pulling a small jade green rag from his left pocket.

"Oh, really?" Miki grinned sheepishly as Kiyoteru started to wipe his lenses clean, a light pink blush spreading across her face. "Thanks. I actually don't think soft songs like that are one of my strong points, but maybe I should try writing more sometime."

Kiyoteru placed his glasses back onto his face. "You wrote that song yourself?"

"Mhm! I've been doing it since we were fourth-years, so...I guess it's been a year now?" Miki stared off at the specks of white clouds floating in the clear, blue sky above them with a dreamy look in her eyes. "I've always admired those idol groups on TV, y'know? They're so...positive and energetic, and they always make so many people happy with their songs. I'd love to be a performer or something just like them someday."

"What's stopping you?"

Miki shrugged, her lips relaxing. "Y'know. _Parents_. They haven't said it to my face, but I've heard them say they don't want me to do it when I grow up because they don't think I'll get any money out of it."

"Ah...I see."

The glint in her magenta eyes transformed into a look of determination. "But whatever. I'll change their minds someday." Miki finally stood up and extended her hand toward him. "You like singing, too, don't you?"

"Huh?" Kiyoteru stared up at her in thought, then took her hand. "I...I guess so."

She pulled him up to his feet, letting go once she knew he could actually stand on his own, and they began to make their way back into the school before class went back into session. "You should try writing your feelings into songs sometime. They _are_ just poems with melodies and harmonies, aren't they? Maybe it'll help."

After some deliberation, Kiyoteru nodded softly. "...I'll try it next time."

Miki beamed at him. "And I definitely wanna see it, so you _have_ to show me when you do!"

He smiled clumsily. "You'll be the first to know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *the song miki sang is called "walking through a little town at night" by irodori! this was one of my first miki songs...(´∀`)
> 
> also full disclosure, i've never had a panic attack before (or at least,, i don't remember having one before lol) so i hope this isn't a completely terrible depiction of one lol...


	3. lost and found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *akito is now tagged in this fic since he was name-dropped but the kanji spelling of his last name is the same as kiyoteru's ("hiyama" being spelled as 氷山 instead of 火山) for the sake of the story  
> *yuki's canon is also being rewritten lol...

School was about to be over for the day, and one thing weighed on Miki's mind in the last couple minutes of class: something felt off today, but she couldn't quite put her finger on _what_.

She knew she hadn't accidentally left anything at home; by some miracle, all of her homework got turned in on time, she didn't have to borrow a pencil from the girl with short brown hair on her left, _and_ she had her _bento_ with her--all in one day! None of her classmates looked any different, there weren't any school events she had to practice performing for, the soccer club wasn't meeting today...

_Ah, or maybe it was..._

The bell chimed, signaling the end of the day and distracting Miki from her thoughts. The teacher dismissed the class, and everyone around her began to gather their belongings and walk out into the soon-to-be-crowded hallway. She stood up from her desk, hoisted the straps of her bag onto her right shoulder, and made her way out of the classroom, standing near the door so that Kiyoteru didn't have to push through the sea of students to reach her.

_Wait. That was it._

"You don't have to keep waiting for me all the time, Miki-san," Kiyoteru commented as he stepped out of the classroom, pulling her attention off her mind again. She turned and saw a clumsy smile on his face. "We go home the same way, anyway. I could've caught up with you."

"Well, I'm not just gonna leave you behind!" Miki retorted with a slight pout as the two began following the current of students going toward the entrance of the school. "That wouldn't make me a very good friend, would it?"

Kiyoteru laughed lightheartedly. "You might have a point."

Miki flashed a jokingly smug grin. "Besides, I've been doing that for our entire three years of junior high, so you're a _little_ late to say that _now_."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I am."

They made their way past the school's gates in silence, vibrant conversation surrounding them and snow crunching under their feet with every step they took, and turned left on the sidewalk to head home. Miki's magenta eyes quickly glanced towards Kiyoteru, and she noticed a nearly blank expression on his face. Her eyebrows knitted together in concern. "Hey, Kiyo-kun?"

He turned his head, pushing the bridge of his glasses up. "Hm?"

"Are you okay?" she asked, her tone sincere. "I...noticed you've been quieter than usual today. If something's going on, you don't have to keep it to yourself, you know."

Kiyoteru swallowed nervously. _There it was._ He knew she would notice eventually--she wasn't stupid, and, on top of seeing him everyday, she'd known him for years. "I know," he replied quietly. "I've been meaning to say something, but I...don't know how I want to tell you about it."

"Tell me about what?"

The memories of that snowy evening a few days prior of the distressed woman that showed up with a bundled, sleeping infant in her thin arms replayed in his mind as he looked for the right words to describe what he had experienced. "This lady came to our doorstep a few days ago...and she was trying to find someone that could take care of her daughter."

"Huh? As in, like, babysitting?"

Kiyoteru shook his head. "As in adoption."

" _What?!_ Wait, how old is her daughter?" she asked worriedly.

"Three months."

Miki's jaw dropped. " _Three months!_ Why would she just give her baby away like that?"

"She lost her husband and they barely had any money to begin with," the brunet explained. "She couldn't take care of her anymore."

Realization came over Miki as she glanced down at the snowy path in front of them. Her heart dropped. "And there are no orphanages nearby..."

Kiyoteru nodded solemnly in response.

The strawberry-haired girl sighed. "That's...really sad."

"I know."

"So what did you guys do?"

" _Nee-san_ felt bad and said she was willing to take care of her, and then _Nii-san_ agreed with her. _Tou-san_ asked me what I thought, and...I figured they knew what they were doing, and I was willing to help out, so I sided with them. So...I have a new sister."

Miki smiled gently. She had known his family long enough to know that the infant was in caring hands. "What's her name?"

"Yuki."

" _Yuki_..." The name rode smoothly on Miki's lips as she stared out on the snow-covered road. "I like it. It's cute."

Kiyoteru hummed softly in agreement. "Yeah...I guess I'm just worried about her, though."

"Huh? What about her?"

Kiyoteru shrugged half-heartedly, his gray eyes focused on the path home. "I don't know. I just remember being in primary school and feeling like..." He paused, searching through his own turbulent emotions to find what he wanted to say. "...Like I didn't belong in the family I ended up with. I don't want her to feel like that, too."

Ah, that was right; _he_ was adopted, too. Miki had completely forgotten.

This definitely wasn't the first time Kiyoteru wondered why his biological parents gave him up for adoption--an idea that he was aware was only doing him harm, but it wasn't like he could help it--and he knew it probably wouldn't be the last. He had begun to consider the possibility that worrying about Yuki would replace those thoughts at all, unless that was just wishful thinking on his part. Then again, what was the point of concerning himself with something he was probably never going to get the answer to? Wouldn't that only hurt him more than was necessary? He couldn't just keep feeling sorry for himself anymore.

The two silently continued down the road, and thoughts rushed through Miki's head as her brain tried to work out how to respond. "Well," she began, "I think she's still young enough that if you lay the foundation down now, she won't have to feel so alone when she grows up. After all, you're her big brother now, and I assume that's something big brothers do." She turned to him and beamed fondly. "And I can help out, too! I've always wanted siblings, anyway."

She really did have a contagious grin. She was right, too; Akito _did_ get him to open up pretty quickly when he was younger--in fact, Kiyoteru probably never would have gotten into music as much as he did without him, _or Miki, for that matter_. Kiyoteru found himself answering with a soft laugh. "Thank you. She's actually starting to warm up to us faster than we thought, so I'm sure she'll like you, too." Another thought suddenly ran through Kiyoteru's mind as his smile faded into a worried frown. "Does it...get lonely being an only child, Miki-san?"

Miki sighed quietly in thought at his question, her lips relaxing into a faint smile, and looked up at the cloudy, gray sky above them. She recalled all the times she looked out her window, her brain fried and attention span spent from doing her homework, and watched the children who lived across from her laugh and play outside. Occasionally, they would break out into arguments that would cause their mother to come outside and scold them; other times, she would see them having fun kicking a ball around with their father--and she'd be lying if she said that wasn't one of the reasons why she decided to try soccer in the first place when they were second-years.

A part of her wished she could experience something like that, but she figured having a sibling was its own adventure that she'd never truly be able to know.

"Sometimes," she finally replied, her voice hushed.

The brunet detected the yearning in her eyes and offered a kind smile. "Maybe you'll be less lonely now that you'd be coming over more often to help out with Yuki."

Miki responded with a small, sweet giggle at the sentiment. "Hanging out with you everyday already makes me feel less lonely, silly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *for the sake of the story, the ahs trio's birthdays are different; i'm following kiyoteru's canon birthday being december 4  
> *kiyoteru's sister won't be tagged (or name-dropped in the fic for a bit) but her name is madoka (taken from the first name of akari's voice provider)  
> *i'm not,, actually sure if soccer is a winter sport in japan??? i'm not really a sports person so i tried to research it but i wasn't getting any clear answers lol  
> *also yes i did reference a non-ahs vocaloid in this chapter.....
> 
> one of the later chapters was written before i wrote chapter 2 and is in the final draft stage, so i'm already halfway done with this fic...if i keep up this pace, it'll be complete by around the beginning of july, so i'm actually really excited to finish this (´∀｀)♡


	4. discovery

Miki couldn't deny that she was happy in Kiyoteru's company, but she wasn't sure if a whole year of her second-guessing her impulsive decisions was the best way to go about enjoying it.

Today was the day she would settle it.

She walked across the halls of the high school and found herself in front of the door to her classroom. She slid the door open, entering the room, and closed it gently behind her, finding herself to be the only one inside. Silently, she shuffled toward her desk and took a seat, placing her bag onto the desk's hook.

_How in the world was she supposed to do this? What was she supposed to say in the first place? Was there any way to break this to him without getting him hurt, or was it going to happen no matter what she did?_

The door slid open again after about a minute, and Miki lifted her head up. _There he was. There was no backing out now._ She glanced over at the clock above the chalkboard and saw that it wasn't even four-thirty--shouldn't he have still been gone for another ten or fifteen minutes?

"You're here pretty early," she commented, doing her best to sound as normal as possible to avoid unnecessary attention, as Kiyoteru shut the door behind him. "What happened to math club today?"

"The advisor teacher had to leave sooner than usual, so we had to end early," he explained, setting his bag down on top of the desk in front of hers and turning the chair around to face her. "What did you need to tell me about?"

_Well. Here went nothing._

"About that...I...it's just...I don't..." Miki stopped, realizing how much she was tripping over herself, and took a deep breath, summoning all the courage she had. "...I don't think I... _like_ you this way. As a boyfriend, I mean."

Kiyoteru's face fell slightly at the realization of what she'd just said, his voice barely coming out as a whisper. "...Oh."

"I'm sorry," she breathed, her voice suddenly trembling as she lowered her head, not wanting to see the look on his face any longer. "I know I'm the one that started it, but I didn't know what to do when I realized what I actually felt." A sob escaped her throat as teardrops began to roll down her cheeks. "I...I've never met anyone like you. I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

Miki vaguely felt Kiyoteru's hand on top of hers on the desk. "Hey," he murmured, "look at me, Miki."

Miki's wet eyes moved up to meet his concerned expression, her breath hitching. Just the sight of her, crumpled up and in tears when the Miki he had grown accustomed to was always in such high spirits, made his chest ache.

"It's okay. We're still friends," Kiyoteru assured her softly. "You didn't ruin anything between us. Just because we're not 'together' anymore doesn't change the fact that I still care about you very much. You've stuck with me since the beginning, and I'm not about to abandon you now." His gray eyes glanced down at their hands in front of them. "Besides...we're both still figuring ourselves out. And that's okay."

Miki sniffled, bringing her free hand up to wipe her eyes. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Kiyoteru shook his head. "I'm not hurt, Miki. Actually, I'm glad you were honest about this."

The room fell into silence, save for the hushed, solemn sounds of Miki's anguish. She never really was the type to easily accept physical comfort, yet she found herself taking solace in the warmth of Kiyoteru's gentle hand on hers. Within the few minutes that had passed, which Kiyoteru had spent thinking, her sobs were mostly replaced with small, shaky breaths.

"Do you regret asking me out?" the brunet asked quietly when he knew she was calmed down enough.

Miki paused. _Did_ she regret it? She definitely wondered a handful of times whether or not she was sure of her choices, but to say that she would've rather gone for someone else--or not asked anyone out at _all_ \--was purely untrue.

If anything, now that she thought about it, Kiyoteru _was_ the perfect "first." They had already known each other for years, and they already had the trust of each other's families for the most part; there wasn't much to worry about besides keeping quiet about it, but they were already good at that. Every time they were together, nothing exactly felt different besides the additional intimacy and the complete abandonment of honorifics from each other's names--but she supposed that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. After all, close friends did those things, too. At the very least, they had both still been happy in each other's company, and maybe that was all that really mattered.

"...No. Not really," she finally answered. "I mean...even though we were trying to be a couple, we still had fun like we normally would've, right?"

Kiyoteru nodded. "Yeah...you're right."

They sat in quietude again as Kiyoteru let Miki regain her composure. When she was ready, she let out a slow sigh and carefully stood up from her seat. "I should...start walking home."

"Are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah, don't worry. I'll be fine tomorrow."

Kiyoteru exhaled softly, a tight-lipped smile crossing his visage. Somehow, a part of him didn't fully believe that, but he trusted that she would be okay eventually. "Okay. You can call me if you still need to talk."

Miki attempted a calm smile, despite them both knowing it was forced. "I know. Thanks, Kiyo."

Kiyoteru pulled his hand slowly away from Miki's, the warmth from the contact leaving them both. Miki grabbed her bag off the desk's hook and made her way out of the classroom, leaving Kiyoteru wondering if he had said the right thing. The door slid closed, and he sighed quietly to himself. The heartache only hurt a little bit, but he knew deep down that he wasn't completely hurting for himself.

He wished he could have given her a hug, but he knew she needed the space. All he could do was hope she'd feel better about it all soon. God willing, he hadn't just lost his closest friend; he knew how distant Miki could get with people when she was out of sorts.

He turned in his chair and glanced above the chalkboard, the clock's hands reading five o'clock--he had to go home, too. Taking a deep breath, he stood to turn his seat back into place, picked up his bag from the top of the desk, and made his way out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him and leaving the room empty once again.

With heavy steps, Miki silently left the building and made her way toward the entrance of the school. The sky above her, smeared with cirrus clouds, was tinted orange from the sun's gentle, warm glow. Less birds sang and more crickets chirped, signaling nightfall. Not many students were out at the front this late in the day, but it still suddenly felt as if the whole world had its eyes on her. It was strange not walking home alongside Kiyoteru like she usually did, and the space next to her was a void she wished she could fill--in fact, she couldn't remember the last time she had felt this lonely since meeting him all those years ago.

She knew that what Kiyoteru said to her was the truth, but she was left wondering if there was more to his side than just pure forgiveness and understanding. He _had_ to be experiencing _some_ sort of similar emotion, right? It couldn't _just_ be her, could it?

Then again, it _was_ Kiyoteru. He _was_ always that kind--and she was lucky that was the case, or she'd be much more heartbroken than she already was, but the pain she felt in her chest right now was no fault of his. She had brought this completely upon herself.

As she passed through the school's gates, she pulled her earbuds out from the front pocket of her bag and put them on, plugging them into her MP3 and playing a random song. A soft piano melody played, and she recognized it immediately as the song she recorded in the music room after school at some point around the beginning of their second year. None of the music clubs had met that day for whatever reason, and she had been alone; not even Kiyoteru was there on account of one of their classmates dragging him over to join the math club. She'd left that melody sitting for a while now, she realized. She still needed lyrics for it.

Well, she supposed she _did_ need to occupy herself with _something_ tonight, or her own turbulent emotions would take control of her. Worst case scenario, her parents would find out what happened and stop trusting her best friend out of anger and fear that he would somehow hurt her again--but she was smart enough to know her way around them.

Miki continued to walk down the path, fully immersed in the gentle sound. She never fully understood it, but somehow, sad songs seemed to pull her out of her melancholy faster than anything. If she was being honest with herself, even writing her feelings out as songs felt like a slower healing process, but perhaps that was just because of her own perfectionist tendencies as a lyricist.

She began to cross the sturdy wooden bridge that connected her and Kiyoteru's neighborhood to the rest of the town, and that was a sign that she was on the last stretch. She was almost home, and she should have been the slightest bit more relieved, but one persistent thought still filled her mind with chaos.

The world that surrounded her was filled with talk of crushes and experimenting with love, so why did it seem like she was the only girl in the world that never really even _thought_ about taking an interest in anyone beyond friendship? What was wrong with her? What _was_ she? Was she broken, was she a lost cause? Would she change her mind in the future, or was her mind already set?

There _had_ to be some kind of answer somewhere, but she mused on whether she would ever find it, or if she'd end up pondering it for the rest of her life.

Miki stepped off the other end of the bridge and continued toward her house, wondering if she was better off not knowing the answer at all--yet all she wanted was to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *i realized while editing this chapter that the piano song could either refer to "zero gravity" by peperon-p or "shatter" by circus-p...so do what you will with that (｡･ω･)
> 
> this would've been up much earlier but i ended up writing another later chapter first before finishing this one lol
> 
> pacing is hard (；´∀｀)


	5. chrysanthemum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *the rating has gone up from general to teen!

That sturdy wooden bridge that connected Kiyoteru and Miki's neighborhood to the rest of the town usually only ever brought news of _grief_ and _sorrow_ and _broken families,_ and this was no exception. The boy Kiyoteru saw sitting on the other side of the railing that evening was a classmate of his, but no one really talked to him. Despite all his efforts of reaching out to him and telling him he could help, his attempt to save the boy was fruitless.

News of what had happened began to spread throughout the town within just a few hours after some men discovered the boy's body floating in the river. Once again, the adults around Kiyoteru uttered the same phrase they always did when news began at the bridge: _"Let's just be thankful it wasn't anyone we knew."_ Upon hearing it, he cringed at the realization of how long he had been taking that phrase for granted. It was already bad enough that his guilt came from being the only witness--he couldn't even begin to imagine what that boy's family was feeling right now after finding out the truth of why he had been away from home for much longer than usual.

He hadn't said a word about what happened at the bridge to anyone but Miki, who had told him to wait five minutes so she could make her way to the back of his house where he was and he could tell her everything. He thought he was getting better at controlling his breaths since primary school, but what had happened that night proved to him that he still had a long ways to go. He felt like a terrified, hopeless kid again, and he _hated_ every second of it. At the very least, Miki was prepared this time.

When Kiyoteru met Miki the next morning, he saw a small, black vase of white chrysanthemums in her hands. They knew what they had to do--if they didn't do it, no one would.

They began to walk down the usual route to school in a tense yet comfortable silence, reminding themselves to breathe once they found themselves crossing the bridge. Cicadas chirped in the distance, more than there were just a week before. The morning air, Miki noticed, seemed to be getting warmer. Spring was coming to an end, and within the next couple months their first term as third-year high schoolers would be over as well, but they couldn't say this was how they had envisioned things would go when they were already so close to the finish line.

Miki's combined curiosity and worry got the best of her, and she let her eyes wander toward Kiyoteru as they continued down the firmly joined wooden planks. His expression was blank, but his gray eyes behind his lenses and his right hand clenched tightly around his black bag strap were laced with agitation. She couldn't say she was surprised, considering how much he had beat himself up over what happened between him and the boy, but she knew her best friend, and she knew he would probably let that survivor's guilt consume him unless she intervened somehow. She'd have to figure something out.

The two had arrived in the classroom before anyone else. They found the boy’s desk in the very back of the empty room, obvious from the graffiti on top. Immediately, something clicked in their minds, and they both felt their hearts begin to race. As they cautiously approached the desk, they began to make out that it was covered in insults and death threats written in black marker, and a knot formed in the pits of their stomachs at the sight of it. This had been happening right behind them this whole time, and they didn’t even realize it until it was much too late.

Kiyoteru's face paled as he stared at the crude scribbles, everything beginning to piece themselves together and make sense in his mind. He felt himself getting lightheaded, but forced himself to stay firmly where he was.

"...I'll...clean this up," he said suddenly, putting his bag down on his own seat and slowly turning towards the door.

At this point, Miki realized, he was just trying to punish himself. She put the vase down on his desk and brought her hand up to his left shoulder before he could take another step, causing him to turn his head. "No, Kiyo, it's okay. I'll do it. You go to the supply closet and get what we need."

Kiyoteru didn't have to meet her gaze to sense her concern. For a moment, he reflected--he was lucky she was here, or he'd be in a much worse headspace than he was already in. He nodded softly, agreeing to her terms, and Miki let him go.

Not knowing what to do with herself, Miki stayed standing where she was as Kiyoteru left the classroom and slid the door closed behind him. As much as she tried to avoid looking at the ruined desk any longer than she needed to, her eyes couldn't help themselves. It was like watching a train wreck; it was difficult to look away, even when she knew it wasn't a pleasant sight.

_**Stupid pig!** _

_**You're weak!** _

_**Go die!** _

She grimaced. She never understood the reasons people had for bullying others. The fact that there were people out there who could do such mean things and not feel bad about it at all baffled her to no end. People weren't born so hateful--Kiyoteru himself, the saint that he was, was proof of that. Why, then, hadn't humanity learned to just be kind to one another yet? Wouldn't that make the world a much better place to live? Just the notion of so many people around the world living their lives in fear of being dejected by their societies and dying by the hands of their distresses and their abandoned hope made her chest ache.

The door opened, and Kiyoteru stepped back in with a bottle of cleaning solution and a roll of paper towels. Miki took them, whispering a " _thanks,_ " and began to work. He sat back down, rendering the room silent save for the quiet sounds of the spray bottle and the wet paper towels rubbing against the desk.

His drained eyes stared upon the still, ivory petals in front of him. "This wouldn't be happening if I had just stopped him," he said, his voice hushed.

Miki exhaled quietly. She was wondering why he had been so quiet for the last couple minutes. "Don't do that to yourself, Kiyo. None of this was your fault. At least you showed him you cared. That's better than nothing."

_And it still wasn't enough,_ Kiyoteru wanted to say, but he found himself too mentally exhausted to argue with her. He bit his bottom lip and reminded himself to breathe as the events of that evening replayed in his mind again.

Miki sighed, straightening her frame and looking down at the cleaned desk in front of her. The marks may have been out of sight, but the image of the black scribbles of _stupid_ and _weak_ and _die_ remained in the back of her mind against her will. She turned around, calling out softly. "Hey, Kiyo?"

Kiyoteru lifted his gaze, and Miki saw a hollow expression on his face that she'd never seen before. "Can you bring these back, please?"

"Yeah," he breathed, standing from his seat and taking the supplies out of her hands.

Miki watched in worry as he slid the door open and made his way across the hallway back to the supply closet. She sighed, taking the used paper towels from the desk and throwing them away into the trash can near the teacher's desk. She walked back, carefully picking up the fragile black vase and setting it down onto the boy's desk. She stared at it for a moment, mentally apologizing to him for not having noticed his situation sooner, then turned the chair in front of Kiyoteru's desk and sat down.

Kiyoteru returned to the classroom, shutting the door again as he entered, and wordlessly went back to his seat. The two sat in silence--minutes felt like hours, the air heavy with unease, and the looming presence of the white chrysanthemums took their full attention away from themselves.

"...What do we do now?"

Miki glanced down at her hands folded in her lap, shaking her head in response. For the first time, they both had no idea what to do. How were they _meant_ to handle something like this? They didn't have the luxury of relief from the assurance that it wasn't someone they knew; their situation was not so simple this time. They had never been this lost before in their whole lives--not even while being in each other's presence still allowed them solace--and no amount of warnings or advice or words of comfort from the adults around them could have prepared them for this.

What other word could describe the way they felt right now besides _"despair?"_

Finally, Kiyoteru's gray eyes silently gazed up toward the girl in front of him, detecting her distress. "If you're not okay right now, you don't have to keep it to yourself," he said, voice soft.

Troubled magenta eyes glanced over to meet his, and in that moment, she knew that she couldn't hide it so easily. She wasn't sure what she'd expected from him; he'd known her for years, but he was already incredibly observant as it was--if he hadn't noticed what was happening to the boy much earlier, then it must have been extremely well-hidden on both ends. It was no wonder he felt so responsible.

"I...I'm not okay," Miki acknowledged, "but...at the same time, I don't actually know _what_ I feel right now. It just feels... _heavy_." She paused to breathe, gathering her thoughts as Kiyoteru continued to listen. "I wish I'd realized what was going on sooner. Maybe then we could have helped him before...this."

The image of the boy pushing himself from the railing of the bridge returned to the front of Kiyoteru's mind once more. He took another deep breath, one part of him desperate to push it back while the other knew he could only do so much. "You're not at fault, either, Miki," he assured her.

"I know. I can't help it, though. This wasn't anything he deserved. Actually, _no one_ deserves this."

"You're...too compassionate for your own good," he thought out loud.

Miki gave a soft smile, setting Kiyoteru's mind at ease. "Look who's talking."

The brunet returned a small, tight-lipped smile with what little emotional energy he had left in him, perhaps in some attempt at trying to lift his own spirits somehow. His eyes were lured towards the flowers on the desk once again as he let out a stressed sigh, his expression fading. "I wish I'd noticed before, too."

"...I guess we'll just have to be better next time," she decided. "Hopefully, there won't have to _be_ a next time, though."

Kiyoteru nodded silently in wholehearted agreement, a glint of determination in his eyes as the image of the white petals burned itself into his mind.

Next time. Definitely. He was sure as _hell_ he wasn't going to let this happen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this chapter does reference "bridge" but that's part of an au...this fic is purely my hc as it is lol  
> *also this headcanon was heavily inspired by the mapo bridge suicide rescue team in south korea! there's a short documentary abt them on yt and even now it's still super fascinating to watch and i wish there were more people in the world like them (be warned though, there are some scenes that may be sensitive to some people)
> 
> tbh i'm not huge on my intro this time but i didn't have any other ideas besides wanting to write in the "bridge" callbacks lol
> 
> updates will be more frequent now since the last two chapters have already been written and all i gotta do is finish editing them (´∀`)


	6. undeclared

"What are you doing after college, Kiyo?" Miki asked suddenly from the end of Kiyoteru's bed.

Kiyoteru turned to her from his desk, one brow raised. "Didn't we just _start_ college a couple months ago?"

"Yeah, I know. I was just curious."

Kiyoteru turned back to his math homework and continued writing on the page in front of him. "Well, don't get your hopes up, because I haven't planned that far ahead yet," he answered frankly.

Miki shrugged. "Hey, fair enough. I get it."

"Are you still set on singing?"

"Of course! I have it all--" Miki paused, realizing what she had said. "... _Most_ of it figured out."

"I wish that were me," Kiyoteru thought out loud to himself in a murmur, holding his pencil still.

Miki tilted her head in puzzlement. "Wait, _what?_ I thought you liked singing, too. Are you not going into it?"

She wasn't wrong, but Kiyoteru knew the truth of the big picture. Realistically, doing music was only going to last him so long--but Miki was practically born for it. She _loved_ doing music; she had been honing her public performance skills since they were in junior high. She had the energy and positivity of an idol, and her presence within the first couple months of college was already getting to be just as idol-esque. "I _do_ like singing, it's just...I don't know if that's what I want to _focus_ on." He turned towards her in his chair. "But _you've_ had your heart set on it since we were in primary school, and it's perfect for you."

Miki chuckled bashfully at Kiyoteru's honesty. He had always been very transparent with her, and it was something she could appreciate considering how many of the people around her refused to do anything similar. "That's not _all_ true,” she countered, shaking her head. “Actually, I've...gone back and forth on it a few times, and my parents _definitely_ had an influence on it...but it _has_ always circled back around to singing. You'll figure it out eventually."

"I hope so."

"Besides, you can still _do_ music, Kiyo. I know you're just as passionate about it as me, and I don't really want to see you give it up just 'cause you don't think it's gonna get you anywhere. You don't even have to do it full time." Miki gasped in realization and leaned closer towards Kiyoteru in sudden excitement. "You should start a band with Kyo-kun and his friends!"

" _Wh-what?_ " he stammered, surprised from her unexpected proposal. "I don't know them that well yet, Miki. We literally just met Yuu-kun last week! If it was with you, then maybe I'd be more willing to, but..."

"But too late! I'm already trying stuff out with Yukari-chan and Iroha-chan!" Miki smiled innocently, causing Kiyoteru to raise a brow at her and wonder how in the world she would survive Yukari and her questionable-at-best lyric writing style. "But you saw how much they were pushing for it, didn't you? Plus, you'll be able to make better friends with them! This is the perfect opportunity, Kiyo!"

Kiyoteru paused, weighing the pros and cons in his head. Maybe she was right, he concluded; after all, there was no reason for him to be in college if he wasn't going to make the most out of trying to figure himself out.

What the hell would he be _doing_ right now without Miki?

He sighed. " _Okay,_ fine. I'll think about it.”

“ _But,_ if you’re really not going to be a music major, then…” Miki brought her fist to her chin in consideration, and a lightbulb went off in her mind. "Let me ask you something first."

Kiyoteru raised a brow. "Okay...?"

"How do you feel about working with people? Like, in an office worker kind of way, but not really with just adults."

Weren’t examples supposed to make things _clearer?_ Slightly more confused than he was before she gave her scenario, he still attempted an answer. "I know I tell people I'm an introvert, but I'm not _that_ introverted."

"Then..." Miki gave an enigmatic smile. "This might work."

"What might work?"

"Why don't you become a teacher?" she suggested. "You're good at dealing with kids, and you'd probably have much more of a connection with the students than most of _our_ teachers did. Look at Yuki-chan, she loves you."

"That's different, she's my _sister,_ " the brunet emphasized. "Not all school kids are like Yuki, anyway. As far as I'm concerned, she's an outlier. But if I _was_ going to be a teacher, I'd probably be better off dealing with second or third-year high schoolers."

"Aren't high schoolers mean, too?"

"Yeah, until you finish the first year and then you realize you have to somehow _meander_ through two more years of it," Kiyoteru commented unhesitatingly in the most bitter tone Miki had ever heard him say anything in. "Besides, if primary schoolers weren't so _vicious_ in the first place, Japan wouldn't _have_ this much of a bullying problem."

Almost immediately, she busted out laughing at Kiyoteru's rare cynicism, and he smiled almost proudly upon making her laugh. Clearly, he felt very strongly about it, and she knew exactly why, but it was hilarious nonetheless. "That's so true! I never even thought about it like that!"

As her laughter died down and they continued focusing on their schoolwork, one thought ran through Kiyoteru's brain. He hadn't exactly realized it until now, but it really _was_ time for him to figure out what he wanted his future to look like. It was funny--how could he try to plan for something that seemed so far away that he couldn't even see it? Where _was_ he going to be in four years? What kind of person _would_ he become by then? Would he even _be_ prepared to go out into the world without knowing his role in society, if it _did_ come down to that?

If racing towards the future whether or not he was ready was inevitable, then he at least wanted one thing to stay the same.

"Hey, Miki," Kiyoteru started, "do you think we could move in together after college?"

Miki drew her attention back to him, a hint of a surprised smile on her lips. "Now _that's_ really sudden and out of nowhere. Didn't we just _start_ college?"

"I didn't say _now!_ "

She let out a melodious laugh. "I know, I'm just messing with you. But I mean...if that's okay with you," she answered honestly. "And if our families are cool with it."

"Miki, my family's known you for years. You're practically my sister at this point. Yuki's been calling you _'nee-chan'_ since she could talk."

The strawberry-haired girl's sweet smile transformed almost bitterly at the thought that had just crossed her mind. "At least _your_ family would be fine with it. _My_ parents would probably think you're my boyfriend or something."

Kiyoteru frowned, sensing the resentment in her voice. "Hey...I've been meaning to ask this for a while, and I wasn't sure if I should, but...why haven't you come out to them yet?"

Miki shrugged dismissively, her own thoughtful expression fading into one of slight indignation. "I dunno. I just figured it's not something they should _have_ to know right away. Maybe I'll tell them when they start asking me if I _have_ a boyfriend yet, but that's probably not gonna be for a _while._ "

Kiyoteru chuckled softly. "Okay, fine. I get it. I guess what I want to say is...the sooner you talk to them about it, the easier the transition's going to be for you and them."

"I'll...keep that in mind." Miki paused, and let her magenta eyes wander back up to him. "I kinda wish someone had told me that in high school, though."

"Yeah. I do, too,” he confessed. “Maybe then I wouldn't have had to wait until after graduation to say something."

On the bright side, he supposed he _did_ learn from it--and he _did_ get to relay that lesson to her so she didn’t have to experience it completely blind like he did.

_Just like a teacher would, huh?_

"Oh, crap, is it already nine-thirty?" Miki stood from the bed and shoved her schoolwork into her bag; Kiyoteru glanced up at the clock on his desk and found that she was right--they had completely lost track of time once again. "I should go back to the girl's dorms before Kyo-kun decides to actually come back."

"I doubt he'll be back for at least another hour unless Wil-kun says something, but that's fine."

Miki flashed him a knowing grin. "And you said you didn't know them that well!"

He _knew_ he was too observant for his own good. Kiyoteru attempted a straight face, but his lips refused to cooperate. " _Miki._ "

"Alright, _fine,_ I'll _go!_ " She threw her bag over her shoulder in exaggerated offense. "Jeez!"

Kiyoteru gave in to his lopsided smile. "See you tomorrow."

"Mhm."

"And actually _go_ to sleep this time. You definitely had at least three cups of coffee before class this morning."

Miki shot him a look of false annoyance at the call out. " _Wow! Shut up!_ "

Kiyoteru laughed fondly as she closed the door, leaving him alone with his own thoughts once again. His expression relaxed as he turned his head toward the indigo blue guitar near the bed opposite his. If he told Kyo tonight, the guy probably wouldn't get any sleep out of pure excitement. Besides, it also meant he could sleep on it and figure out how he wanted to say it--so tomorrow it was.

He sighed to himself, writing down a few more numbers before closing his notebook and shoving it back into his bag on the floor next to his desk. Out of the blue, he remembered a day a few months back when he was drawing with Yuki in the living room upon her request--as terrible of an artist as he was--and his older sister commented that he would probably be a good teacher. His brother, seemingly coming out of nowhere, immediately knocked down her suggestion, brushing it off as an alternative pathway and asserting that he would be better off continuing to pursue music. His father, who had been preparing dinner in the kitchen, didn't take either side, instead contending that Kiyoteru was free to do both if he so chose; the only thing he had to think about was how he was going to balance it.

...Yeah. He could figure that out.

Maybe there was hope for him after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *miki being in a group with iroha and yukari is in reference to songs by slave.v-v-r that feature them together! his songs can get really erotic/questionable but i can't deny that they've grown on me lol. by this point, iroha's in junior high and yukari's in high school. they don't last as a group past miki's third year of college but they're still v good friends  
> *as for kiyoteru's band with the zola boys...this fic is in the same canon as "get yourself a man who can do both" (´ω｀*)
> 
> one more to go...


	7. new beginnings

"Nice shoulders."

A small spike of panic jolted through Kiyoteru's body, and he quickly turned his head toward the door. There was Miki, smiling mischievously as she leaned against the doorframe with a hand on her hip. He felt his face heat up in slight embarrassment--had she not been as close of a friend as she was, he wouldn't have been so tolerant of the move she'd just made.

He let out a breath, partly relieved that it was just her. "You know, _knocking_ isn't such a bad thing to do every once in a while," he commented, turning back to grab his shirt from the top of his futon mattress, and slipped his arms through the long sleeves.

"You're gonna have to get used to that from now on," Miki reminded him in an almost pedantic tone as he started fastening his buttons from the top down. "I haven't seen you in a tank top in a really long time, and I'm probably gonna be seeing it every day now."

Well, Kiyoteru figured, she wasn't _wrong._ "Did you already get everything into the car?"

"Yup. Madoka-chan helped me." She sat down on the floor of the nearly empty room, back against the wall, watching Kiyoteru fold up the futon. "I know you're usually fine without help, but I'm gonna ask you again," she offered.

"And I'm going to say..." Kiyoteru paused to stand up, leaning the futon against the wall near the door. "I'll ask later."

Miki grinned in surprise. " _Oh!_ Threw me a curveball there!"

Kiyoteru laughed quietly to himself. The two relaxed into a comfortable silence as he went down on his knees in front of his bag to check for the third time if he had packed everything--though if he had somehow forgotten anything despite his thoroughness, he figured there was really nothing stopping him from driving back to the house to retrieve it.

"How'd you get Yuki-chan in on this, anyway?" Miki asked suddenly, her eyes on the screen of her phone.

Kiyoteru thought back to the day he told his family he had been planning on moving out with Miki a little less than two months ago; the moment Yuki's big, brown eyes welled up to the brim with tears after realizing the implications of him not being around everyday anymore--and the vague sense of guilt in his chest that came with watching that happen in real time--was vivid in the back of his mind. "It wasn't the plan at first, but she was... _really_ insistent on not letting me leave without her," he explained sheepishly. "I didn't mind, and _Tou-san_ also didn't mind somehow. Then I texted you about it, and you know the rest."

The corners of Miki's lips turned up. " _See?_ What'd I say before when you guys first adopted her?"

_...If you lay the foundation down now..._

"...Ah. Yeah. I guess you were right."

"Of course I was." Miki put her phone down in her lap and sighed. "There's so much going on this month, huh? You and I are getting a place together with Yuki-chan, your first day as a teacher is in two weeks..."

"Less than that," he corrected. " _And_ you've got another gig next week with Kaito-kun."

"I _do_ have another gig next week! And it _is_ with Kaito-kun!"

Kiyoteru smiled amusedly to himself, knowing that he was only partially willing to poke fun at this, but deciding to go through with it anyway. "So, when's the wedding?"

Immediately, Miki knew he was joking. Playing along, she attempted a deadpan look, but couldn’t stop the right corner of her lips from turning up out of mirth. " _Excuse you_. _First_ of all, I'm not into guys."

"Or girls. I know."

"Right. _Second,_ he's got a boyfriend already. But don't worry, I _know_ you're a disaster bi, so I'll play wingwoman for you the next time you crush on someone."

Kiyoteru playfully rolled his eyes, the same smile still on his face. " _Leave._ "

Miki grinned proudly. "I'm your ride or die. You couldn't get rid of me if you tried."

"Not like I'd actually _want_ to."

Her smile widened, realizing her chance to take revenge. "Unless...?"

What did she mean, _"unless?"_ Since when was there supposed to be a condition? Amidst confusion at the sudden prompt, Kiyoteru's brain grabbed at the first thing that came to it. "...Unless you did something really _stupid?_ "

"Like what?"

He shrugged defensively, still convinced that she was just pulling his leg. "I don't know? Commit a crime?"

Miki rolled her eyes, slumping her shoulders and groaning in contrived disappointment. "Well, there goes _all_ my dreams of committing arson with you."

And _that_ confirmed his suspicions. Kiyoteru barely held in a laugh, shaking his head and turning back toward his bag. "You're messing with me."

"Yes, I am, but _shut up,_ " Miki pouted, crossing her arms.

"In all honesty though, I probably wouldn't shun you even if you _did_ do something like that."

Miki raised a brow. "You have _really_ low standards for me as a friend, Kiyo."

"The catch is that it only applies to you."

"Fair enough."

The two fell into another silence, and Miki picked her phone up again as she let Kiyoteru do what he needed to. After confirming once again that he hadn't missed anything, Kiyoteru finally reached for the zipper and pulled the bag shut. He paused, a thought that had been persistent for his whole life suddenly running through his mind. "Hey, Miki?"

Alert magenta eyes glanced up from the screen in front of them to meet Kiyoteru's gray. "Yeah?"

"I know this is out of nowhere, but I really am glad we met." An honest smile crossed his lips. "Thanks for sticking with me all this time."

Miki grinned bashfully, pinpricks of pink showing up on her cheeks. " _Aww, sentiment!_ "

" _Please._ I'm trying to be heartfelt here."

"I know. You know I'm just teasing you. I'm happy you're my friend, too." Miki broke eye contact, looking down at her hands in her lap. "Y'know...I used to think I was never going to have a friendship that would last as long as this, but lo and behold--" She looked back up to him, waving her hand in his direction. "--you exist. So...thanks, Kiyo."

Kiyoteru smiled diffidently. Miki's eyes acknowledged something to his right, and he turned his head to see Yuki standing at the doorway, small hands grabbing at the hem of her yellow dress, with her usual sweet smile. "Hey, Yuki. Did you need help with something?"

Yuki shook her head. "No. _Nee-san_ and _Tou-san_ already helped me."

"Madoka-chan's really on it, huh?" Miki commented.

"As usual," Kiyoteru sighed. "What did you need, then?"

" _Nii-san_ wanted me to ask if you were ready yet."

"And _he's_ impatient as always," Kiyoteru chuckled as Miki laughed behind him. He stood up from the floor and picked the bag up by the straps. He looked back at Miki with an easygoing smile. "So? Are we ready?"

Miki returned the smile, standing up and heading over to grab Kiyoteru's futon before he could even think to take it. " _I_ got this. You don't even have to _ask_."

"Thank you."

Putting her free hand on her hip, she looked down at Yuki with an expression of confidence. "Alright, Yuki-chan. We're ready. Lead the way!"

Yuki let out a bubbly giggle as she started across the hallway. Kiyoteru let Miki walk ahead of him, but found himself looking back at his now empty room.

This wasn't anything to be sad about, he reminded himself--in fact, this was just the beginning. He finally had the chance to go and find his place in the world. He was no longer the boy in middle school that allowed himself to get hurt over things that were out of his control, and he wasn't the boy in college that despaired over the thought that he'd never be able to figure out what he wanted to do with himself, let alone what society dictated he should do. He was different now. He was on _a_ path, albeit a vague one, and decided he wouldn't stray from it until life led him to a crossroads and gave him another choice. Everything that led to this moment shaped who he was now, and he wouldn't go back to change any of it even if he was given the chance.

Miki had been by his side since the very beginning, and she was no different. She wasn't exactly the girl that finally lost her well-cultivated patience in second grade and defended him despite his initial indifference toward her, nor was she quite the girl in high school who thought she was akin to a broken doll for not being able to relate to having the same desires that everyone else around her had. She had taken all the negativity into her optimistic world and transformed into someone _amazing,_ someone Kiyoteru was _proud_ to call his best friend. He wouldn't trade that for the world.

It didn't matter if they hit a crossroads anymore--they'd already done that several times before, and they always found that the vastly differing paths they took still led them back to one another in the end. As long as they still had each others' backs, then maybe living in the real world wouldn't be so bad.

Maybe the future was bright for them after all.

"Kiyo."

He turned back toward the hallway, and saw Yuki and Miki still standing at the other end, a familiar, knowing smile on Miki's face. "You didn't forget anything," she told him.

Kiyoteru returned a sincere smile, lifted the bag’s straps onto his left shoulder, and pulled the door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *i'm sure it's obvious but miki's gig with kaito is in reference to "insanity" by circus-p!
> 
> i can't believe i finished this more than a week before my deadline lol (；´∀｀) i don't think i'm going to be putting myself on such a tight schedule for a long time lol...
> 
> in all honesty this fic was written with my friend group in mind (if you guys are reading this i love y'all sm!!!) and while most of kiyoteru and miki's interactions/situations they were in were based on character hcs i already had for them, some were based on things that i've been through with my own best friends within the last few years/my entire friendship with some of them
> 
> but thanks for reading all the way through if you did, i had fun writing this（*´▽`*)❤︎


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